“Ali,” I say softly.
His eyes meet mine, and we stay connected for several
seconds before I can find words. I want to say so much and have no idea where
to start.
You look really good.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
I want another chance.
You’re so fucking beautiful.
I want you.
I’m an idiot.
Are you happy?
Do you have a boyfriend?
Do I still have a chance?
“I’ve missed you.”
He rolls his eyes and looks away. “Sure.”
I lean forward and rest my arms on the table between us.
“Come on, man. You were my best friend. You were … everything to me. Of course
I’ve missed you.”
“I’m surprised you could remember me with all the women
you’ve been with over the years. Who were the last ones? The two in Paris? Oh
wait, no. There was another one in Germany, right? Two weeks ago?”
I fall back in my chair and let my arms drop to the sides.
“Don’t tell me you believe everything they say in the tabloids.”
“So, you’re telling me none of that’s true?” he asks,
throwing me a side eye before looking back at the yard.
“Yeah, I’ve been out with women. Yes, I was seen with two chicks
in Paris and one in Germany. But I didn’t sleep with them, Ali.”
He snorts, not believing me. “It’s not like it even
matters.”
“I want you to believe me, so yes, it does it matter.”
“I’ve believed you before, and you’ve only let me down.”
I run my hand over my face and lean forward again. “Okay,
yes. I’m a fucking asshole, okay? I know that. It lives with me every day. Have
I slept with women? Yes, I have. I’ve done a lot of things I wish I didn’t, but
you don’t understand what it’s like to be me. I’m having to lie to everybody on
a day-to-day basis. I’ve been trying to lie to myself. I wondered if I could be
with a woman, so I tried it. There’s women around all the time, and I wanted to
get off without having to do it myself.
“It’s not easy finding a man to be with when your face is
everywhere. How could I hookup with a guy and be sure he wouldn’t run and tell
everybody that Merrick Kingston is gay? So, yes, I’ve fucked some women, and I
hated myself the entire time I was doing it. I’ve gotten blowjobs and handjobs
from them, too. But those women in Paris and the one in Germany? I was not with
them. I haven’t slept with anyone in a long time.”
When Ali looks at me again, his eyes hold a sadness in them.
Maybe pity. I hate that. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. That wasn’t the
point of my rant. I just want him to try to understand. I want him to know I
won’t lie to him anymore.
“Aren’t you tired?” he asks.
I don’t have to ask what he’s talking about. I know he’s
asking if I’m tired of pretending. “You have no idea.”
His lips turn down in the corners. “You stopped calling me.”
“You stopped answering.”
“Well, I was mad at you.”
“Was?” I ask, a little hopeful.
Ali sighs and pins me with a look. “You didn’t tell me you
were leaving town. You led me to believe we had a future together. You told me
you loved me and you left two days later.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Ali.”
I go to reach for him, but the back door opens. “Lunch is
ready.”
Ali quickly stands up and makes his way inside.
0 comments:
Post a Comment
Hateful and Unrelated Comments Will Be Deleted. Anonymous comments are invalid to enter into giveaways.